Beauty Diaries

Beauty Diaries

Your Personal Beauty Bulletin Blog

My little dark secret

My little dark secret

For some time now I’ve lived with a secret that I’ve kept to myself and I’ve carried the shame and guilt of it alone. I tried to block it out of my mind and suppress my feelings but I found myself in the most difficult, impossible situation.

Last night I confessed my darkest secret to my friend over a long overdue glass of wine and a mutual need to get things off our chest. We were chatting and laughing and before I knew it, the words “I fell in love with my boss” rolled off my tongue. Her initial reaction was a look of complete disbelief especially when I told her about his personality.

He wasn’t a boss per se but more of an authority figure who had seniority over me at work. He was happily married with children and I was in a relationship and even though nothing ever happened between us, I felt loathsome of my feelings for him.

He wasn’t a very well-liked person and was very pedantic about everything and sometimes he was outright rude to people below him, but for some reason he never even as much as raised his voice to me – he even smiled (pre-inappropriate feelings). Later I was his go-to girl and at that point I felt mostly flattered because I was the only one that he was willing to work with.

As I continued to elaborate on my moral crisis and uttered the words “I felt like an adulterer – and nothing ever happened” she put her glass on the table and said “You’re not the only one who had improper feelings before. Do we not watch Vampire Diaries for the impending relationship between Caroline and Klaus?” And with that sentence it all fell into place for me.

Now, if you don’t watch Vampire Diaries, you’ve got a serious gap in your education, but mostly you are missing out on a wonderfully romantic side story that is Caroline and Klaus. Klaus is the baddest vampire in town who is hated by all and he does horrible things to everyone except for Caroline (goody two shoes), who he has confessed to being in love with (she won’t admit she feels the same way about him).

She gave me some perspective and I think she missed her calling as a psychologist because she is just that good. What attracted me to him? He made me feel special. He had power and authority and money. Seriously… what woman in the world doesn’t want a man who makes them feel special who has money, authority and power?

I am in no way condoning acting upon inappropriate feelings but I don’t’ hate myself nearly as much as I used to. Thankfully I managed to get myself out of that situation and after writing my story, I feel better about it. I could finally make peace with how I felt about him and be proud that I didn’t act on my feelings.

The point of this post is to illustrate how important it is to confide in someone you trust. You should be able to trust your best friends with a secret that you can’t even bring yourself to admitting. Don’t beat yourself up too much – you might not be as bad a person as you think.

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